I don’t get how before I had epilepsy I was allowed to cry. I don’t get how everyone else is allowed to cry. But when I want to cry about having epilepsy, I’m not allowed to. I get the “someone has it worse off than you” speech. I’m not allowed to cry about how my world got turned upside down? Apparently not. Tell me how that makes sense. All I want is for someone to say that everything is going to be okay. Not money. Not a perfect life. Not to travel around the world. Just those words. But no. Everybody has to crack down on my break downs, which used to rarely happen. Now, because I’ve learned that I’m alone and nobody is going to emotionally support me, I break down more than I would like to.
I used to be so strong and I just want that girl back. Maybe it’s not just the epilepsy that’s breaking me down but everything that’s happened in the past few months. I don’t want to cry anymore, I know that. I used to never cry and now, I cry at least once a week. And I drink more than I would like to. A lot more. My body is starting to reject it. On top of that, I make the worst decisions while drunk.
And one of those decisions might have led to something life changing.